“American Guilt” is a collection of artifacts paired with oral histories and intends to provoke questions in service of our community’s collective mental health. The exhibit focuses on three pivotal moments: a summer off from school, coming home for Lunar New Year, and dining at the Space Needle. Each moment has two audio recordings, paired with two artifacts, contrasting experiences between generations.

When our parents immigrated here, they dreamed of big houses in nice suburbs, of creating every opportunity for their children. After decades of tireless work and patient sacrifice, many of them realized those ambitions. We, their children, are now living the very lives they had hoped to provide. Yet from a young age, we internalize a pervasive sense of guilt. The food we eat is borne of our parents’ famine. Our mundane, daily rituals were their formerly unimaginable luxuries.

The consequences are existential. Second generation Asian Americans are more likely than their white counterparts to have suicidal thoughts and attempt suicide in college. We are 3x less likely to report mental health issues. As researchers start to call out the link between mental health and guilt/shame in AA communities, this exhibit encourages questions about our mental health. How do we live our lives in harmony with our parents’ dreams? How do we preserve unique and important intergenerational history without internalizing, and passing on, the guilt?

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A Summer Off From School

My father recounts jumping at the opportunity to help his family put food on the table as a child. In my comparison piece, I recall being roughly the same age and snacking on candy from the neighborhood grocery store while smoking marijuana with friends.

The framing artifact is a re-constructed 扁担, or wood-carrying pole, of the same kind that my father would have used at the construction site he worked at to earn extra money. He used these tools, accumulating deep bruises and cuts, for an entire summer to earn the equivalent of 4 USD. The framed photo is of a small bag commonly used to exchange drugs.

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Going Home For Lunar New Year

My mother recounts the 25 years spent in America without celebrating LNY with her family. In my comparison piece, I recall missing my parents one year and booking a trip home to see them without a second thought.

The framing artifact is a 春联, or spring festival couplet, commonly hung on doorways around the time of the new year. The framed photo is of a boarding pass from 2017 from Austin, TX to Seattle, WA for LNY.

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Dining At The Space Needle

My mother recounts the anxiety-inducing event of dining at the Space Needle due to financial and emotional stress. In my comparison piece, I describe a casual Friday date night at the Space Needle.

The framing artifact is a deconstructed Space Needle, using the three Chinese characters for “household”: 一家人. The framed photo is of a digital receipt confirming the “360 Sunset At the Top” booking.